Put yourself in your body

gy*sy conversations

ouroboros

One time I was wandering Costa Rica with a group of women, which included a white woman, who I think was from canada, and had a habit of offering comments to conversation that supposedly represented the viewpoint or perspective of some seemingly marginalized community, like how gypsy’s wouldn’t like that there was a small restaurant called Gypsy Cafe or how the laid back pura vida approach to time negatively impacts poor folks lives.

I didn’t know what to do with these comments, besides feeling slightly annoyed. It’s not that what she was saying was wrong, but her words felt like hypotheticals in conversation, as we sat around tables, far removed from that physical reality

And yet feeling it all the same, like a gentle bobbing in the ocean: somewhere there is a great wave.

It can be hard to know what is “real” or rather how to respond to the energy

Yes, let it rock you,

But

do I swim as if it is the wave itself, in memory of a motion? 

The watching and witnessing is a part of it

But then what?

How can I be now?

**

I return to my body, my compass, my resting home.

I am learning to observe the difference between the two, body and brain

My brain be so hungry, egging on desires for pleasure

(though pain will often do).

sensations on the surface of my being

Meanwhile, my body may be content, or indifferent

Often they don’t agree

So I ask myself: what is telling me this? What do I feel in my body, and what is happening in my mind? Are they communicating? What is true?

(hint: physical reality only)

Ngl, the brain is often busy with some bullshit, especially if the feeling is pulling me deeper and deeper, away from my physical body

I hold my hand to my chest: 

(I don’t say god because that word feels smaller, though in desperation and practice I do say all the names)

Invoke all the prayers

Kneeling and clasping hands

With relief that I don’t have to be perfect

And also

Help is always on the way

I move my legs and arms through the air

Relieved to be doing my job

Being 

existing

Being me 

You’re doing amazing sweetie

We will find our way out of this,

And it won’t be a door

We have to learn to move through walls

Dematerialize the material 

Master’s house not dismantled with master’s tools or the evil ouroboros of thought.

Maybe the answer to the question is not words, but a movement.

I have gotten many answers through dance,

or at least stopped asking so many annoying ass, dumb ass questions.