Making peace with bugs

And other "undesirables" of creation

I found a poisonous frog in my kitchen. 

Here’s a user tip in costa rican frog coloration: the more elaborately colored, the more deadly. 

It was beautiful and small, a fluid pattern of green and black covering it’s small body 

I greeted the frog, asked why he was there, and then immediately began to lecture him about how he had so much jungle and all I had was my kitchen and if he could please leave

He jumped frantically in the corner, clearly not built like the other frogs who lived under my cabinet and easily scale the walls to crawl into the small gap between the frame and the door. 

Maybe they were distant cousins.

I felt the situation escalating and went inside to google and devise a strategy, but by the time I came back he was gone

Two days later I found him again, he seemingly surprised that I was awake. 

This time I thought about marleen

She’s in one of the group chats around here, she has recently been rallying against the lack of community engagement over the chemical pollutants being sprayed over the land. She believes it’s why we haven’t had rain. 

She sends pictures of streaks of white clouds in the sky, as evidence. Later someone will correct her and show her pictures of what a “real” chemtrail looks like, but I remain confused because I never hear or see airplanes. It’s one of the reasons I like it here. 

This morning marlene sent a message encouraging folks to leave out bowls of water for the animals and insects who have been suffering through this drought. 

I watched the frog peak his head out from under the fridge, watching me watching him. 

I offered him a bowl of water, but I still do not know if he has drank. 

Sometimes I imagine my house at night, all the insects and creatures that come alive in the dark. The house is theirs too, I’ve learned to accept that. 

There was a moment briefly in the beginning where I thought I could draw boundaries of space, mine and not theirs. Ants were my target, my house is frequented by at least 2-3 species that I’m aware of, and all are absolutely tenacious about finding food and roll super fucking deep and extremely organized. 

I relished in wiping them away until I realized that they were coming back regardless. All I could do was kill a few thousand a day, to keep the illusion of cleanliness and possession. My space, until it was their space. 

Aware of this, and having experienced some karmic engagements in the early days, where I kill a few and the next day it feels like the whole set comes out to show strength of numbers, I had to change my strategy. Because I personify them, I assume they’re aware of me on a level, and an actual war on bugs would result as all wars do, perpetuating the violence it claims to abate. 

Imagining what an organized community of vengeful ants could do is the stuff of nightmares.

I still kill them, but I gloat less. Just in case.

*****

Here’s 7 minutes of didgeridoo with some light vocals for “the water,” courtesy of my neighbors.