It's finally raining in costa rica.
This morning, as I went to get into the shower, I hoped someone somewhere was doing a raindance.
I personally don't know how to do one, though my ritual of turning off the water as I suds up could be very close to one, if you squint.
That said, it feels like a drizzle, and for an unusually dry rainy season, a down pour would be ideal.
No rain, no water.
We need rain.
I have been back for almost a week now, and I'm surprised how full my life here has become,
Eagerly waving from my bike, making plans and appointments.
Yesterday I had a human design chart reading with my neighbor, a kind israeli woman who I just recently discovered was also born on 11/11. She lives with her partner, a man also from israel who plays the digeridoo, in the casita less than a stone's throw from mine's.
I sat there, on her porch, eagerly gobbling up the knowledge she gained from this system of knowledge only recently named, which combines astrology, the i-ching, and the kabbalah.
I can't remember how I found this system of thinking. I'm a curious person, and I enjoy the "woo woo" I'd call it, if I was feeling self-conscious. When I feel embodied and confident, I understand my curiosity to be centered around the big existential questions, why we are here. I'm particularly interested in those who offer answers centered around the ethereal, spiritual and mysterious.
"Wikipedia says its pseudoscience," my friend said to me, as we road our bikes down the 2-lane road, cars and jungle wizzing past us.
"Well yea, it's wikipedia," I responded, annoyed to have my experience undercut.
For me, having myself and my understanding of the world reflected back to me from my neighbor was pleasurable and enlightening.
But, to my friend on the bike, a biracial black man from the uk who recently explained to me how he took roughly 7gs of mushrooms under the "therapy protocol (eye mask, headphones with a selected playlist)," astrology was fake.
I told him it was fun arguing with him, but in reality I was frustrated, and wanting to win, prove something to him.
According to my human design, this would be me operating from my false self, trying to prove anything at all.
In truth, I think explaining things to cynics and nonbelievers is pointless and a waste of time. Beliefs are personal, always shifting, but disagreements like the one above I was wading into can easily shift from understanding to power struggles, the desire to be right, to fulfill some small and lacking place in the ego.
Oof it hurts sometimes.
Nevertheless,
Sometimes we want to be right.
However I'm okay being wrong to some people, as long as I find the right people to understand my perspective. Right and wrong can sometimes be a matter of perspective and time.
Imperfection has been the name of the game these days. Accepting it, understanding the power of limitations to shape reality.
There's a flesh-eating mosquito virus going around, folks with bandaged legs and arms, wide opened wounds from bites that grew and grew. I recently bought a bike, and the french woman I bought it from explained how she tried to ignore the growing bite on her ankle for a month, until her partner finally alerted her to the urgency. She tried naturopathic modes to heal it, reiki, meditation, oils and such, but finally buckled and got the antibiotic shot from the doctor. She said she felt out of it for days, but was grateful for the traditional medicine, despite her own reservations about it. It's almost healed.
I walked away from her, wheeling my new bike and deeply praying that mosquito virus never find me.
***
One thing my neighbor told me, that soothed me, was that by sharing my experiences, telling stories, I create new beliefs for others. That feels like a lofty goal, but it at least creates the space for depth in this newsletter.